


by my side

by mintberryx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, you don't have to say "i'm here for you" to show you're there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintberryx/pseuds/mintberryx
Summary: sometimes actions speak louder than words





	by my side

Lance’s legs were heavy, reluctant to move and abandon the comfort his bed gave him. He closed his eyes, trying to find some peace in the dull pain that rolled like waves throughout his body. It felt like someone was pinning him down to his mattress, as if he was on the battlefield again, bayard in hand. The more he thought about it, the more his stomach started to turn, his bed beginning to feel like a coffin more than anything else. 

 

Lance’s breath hitched as he opened his eyes again, ready to get up. His footsteps were soft and hesitant at first as he quietly passed the other rooms. He wondered how late it was, pretty sure that everyone else was asleep by now. Perhaps Pidge was still up, typing away, too focused to notice him wandering through the long halls. It was better that way, Lance thought. He couldn't trouble the team over something so small.   

 

After walking around for a while? A few minutes? Lance couldn't tell, too focused on the sound of his footsteps, staring at his slippers in order to make the connection between the soft taps and his feet hitting the ground. He entered the observation deck, and counted a grand total of seven steps before he heard someone exhale, and it couldn't have been him because his mouth was closed but he wasn't sure, because the breath was shaky and quiet, a sound that he had gotten used to. He had gotten used to the hiccups in his breathing that happened whenever he cried, gotten used to the tightness of his chest, the way his eyes got watery and the way his surroundings blurred together, focusing again whenever he blinked. He lifted his hand up to his cheek, but it was dry so he looked up and blinked a few times, making sure he wasn't seeing things. Keith was sitting in the front of one of the windows, but he couldn't see much because of how dark the room was. Lance didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say, what to think, where to go; so he stood by the door like a deer in headlights. He was about to leave when Keith turned his head back, meeting Lance's eyes with a blank stare, before slightly widening with recognition. Lance almost winced, wishing he had just left the moment he walked in. 

 

"Uh, Keith. Hi. Sorry if I'm interrupting something, I can go-"

 

"Please stay." Lance almost didn't hear him. His voice was small and somewhat hoarse, completely devoid of the sarcasm he had gotten so used to hearing. Keith said his name like a plea, and it put Lance on edge. He didn't trust himself to respond without stuttering, so he just nodded, making his way towards Keith, who looked out through the window again. 

 

The closer Lance got, the more he realized how young Keith looked in that moment, clutching his knees with his head resting on his arms, as if that made him smaller, made him disappear. He wanted to reach out, but wasn't sure if it was okay so he sat right next to him instead, their thighs almost touching. Keith brought his legs closer to his chest, suddenly very aware of how close Lance was.   

 

"Do you, uh, want to talk?" It almost came out as a whisper, Lance hesitant to say anything at all. Keith turned to look at him, and Lance's heart kept racing for a whole new reason. "I don't want to assume but you don't really look so sharp, samurai." Lance managed a smile, hoping it didn't look too awkward, and Keith formed a small pout, something Lance would've usually found cute, but nothing about this night was usual, and he found himself wondering if he had said something wrong. He briefly noted how peculiar it was, how he left to comfort himself and ended up worrying for someone else entirely, but then Keith was speaking again and Lance abandoned his train of thought.  

 

"No, not really." Lance understood that, not wanting to talk about his own problems, not ready to. He gave a low hum of acknowledgement, and Keith kept his gaze on him.  

 

It was the first time Lance had gotten the chance to really look at Keith’s face. Logically, Lance knew that they had gotten closer than this before, but it wasn't the same. They weren't arguing back and forth, weren't blinded by their anger over petty things they never remembered. Now, with nothing left to say he just stared back at Keith, taking in his features. He had never realized that Keith’s eyes were also blue, but they weren’t as bright as his own. To Lance, they had appeared to be this odd shade of grey from far away, so he had never noticed the vivid variations of dark blue in his eyes, or the way that the dim lighting made his eyes look somewhat purple. Lance would’ve thought that he’d find such a small detail dull after everything they’ve gone through, with the feeling of being trapped under Galra sentries lurking in the back of his mind. To his surprise though, Lance found himself drowning in the depth of Keith’s eyes. They never got this close, this intimate, but he decided that it was nice. It was nice, not having to focus on annoying Keith, moody Keith, perfect Keith that manages to do everything that he can't without breaking a sweat. He wondered if Keith felt the same way, if he found his own eyes captivating, found comfort in his presence. 

 

Keith's lips parted slightly, as if he was about to say something but he just yawned, letting go of his legs in favor of getting up and stretching. Lance wondered what time it was, wondered if Keith was going to go back to his room now, and then he frowned, realizing that was the last thing he wanted to happen. Keith sat back down though, his back against the window this time, and he reached out to gently tug at Lance's wrist. He stared at Lance anxiously, counting seconds in his head, looking for something that told him that it was okay, but then Lance moved and sat next him, and he let out a sigh of relief. 

 

Keith had never been good with words. He found it hard to talk to others, found it hard to trust. It was more comfortable that way, prevented him from getting hurt. There was no point of reaching out, opening up, not when he'd be left alone again and again, left to search for constellations and count the stars as a means of escape. He used to think that flying away would get rid of the loneliness, but now he was in space with people that he genuinely wanted to get to know and he couldn't help but isolate himself, couldn't help but feel worse and worse with all the distance he put between them. He shifted, holding onto Lance's arm and leaning his head on Lance's shoulder, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to see Lance's reaction, hoping that Lance couldn't hear his own heartbeat and how it was slightly too fast. He was scared, but Lance was right here and he could feel it, could close the distance for one night and let himself think that everything was okay for once because it was, as long as Lance was by his side.  

 

Lance found himself thinking about death a lot more ever since he became apart of the voltron team. It wasn't something that he ever thought about back on Earth, at least not seriously, but now it seemed like the possibility was always there, lingering wherever he went. There wasn't anything safe about their missions, and he couldn't even sleep easy, with all the nightmares he's been getting. Always in battle, always dying. Sometimes he'd get stabbed or shot, and then he'd wake up in pain, anxiety rising as he thinks that this is it, until the feeling fades and he realizes that he's in his bed. He's not too sure what would happen if he died. He tries not to think about Earth, about the Kerberos "pilot error" and how the Garrison probably told his family that he died. He supposes that Allura could pilot Blue, and the team would be just fine without him, so there shouldn't be too much of a problem. Just fine, but Keith was squeezing his arm like his life depended on it, like he needed him, and Lance suddenly felt the urge to cry because he couldn't go off and die, not with Keith leaning on his shoulder the way that he was, not with the way he quietly told him to stay. So he leaned into Keith, wishing that time would stop before he closed his eyes and slept, because Keith was by his side and he couldn't just go and die in his dreams, not tonight, not ever. 


End file.
